Tardes Negras

One time I read that distance was to love what the wind is to fire....
The wind can blow out a candle, but intensify a fire... I enjoy this metaphor inmensely... It reminds me that there is a fire inside, that not one person, nor distance or time can diminish...
I also enjoy the realization that NO ONE throws rocks at someone who is down... So if you find yourself in a situation where people are throwing rocks at you, it is only because you have achieved a level of success that calls for that. You might not have realized it, and that's what the rocks are, they tell you how high above others you are. ignore them. Intensify your search, your strenght, your own personal happiness... and move on. They will not stop throwing rocks, but they're gonna have to try a whole lot harder to reach you.
Las tardes negras? I just love Tiziano. I love that song. It reminds me of the fire.

I laugh now, I smile more. i sti in my couch and read and work and listen to music and i smile.
I watch tv, the same re-runs I used to watch before (porque no tengo cable... por que crees que vi los tres seasons de 24 jajajaj! mentira... eso tiene su razon aparte) anyway, I watch the SAME everybody loves raymond, will and grace, family guy shows I used to watch before but now I LAUGH. I laugh outloud and I smile and the food tastes better and the flowes smell prettier!

I remember how when I moved out of the house I shared with Luis, when we moved to Homestead with my brother and Desi, I remember finding ol pics of me where I looked SO PRETTY, I was smiling and my hair looked great and my smile was pretty and my skin was beautiful... I was like "that' not me anymore" and I said to myself I wanted to be that person again!... es por eso que vivo tomandome fotos a ver si he vuelto a ser la misma persona... no tanto el pelo, ni la piel ni el cuerpo (obviametne stoy un chin mas gorda) si no la sonrisa... y me estoy cuidando mas, duermo menos pero he vuelto a mi rutina de belleza donde me lavo la cara, uso mascarillas, uso moisturizers y todo lo que se me aparezca por en frente... he retomado mi habito de 'mujer bonita' algo a lo que habia renunciado hace mucho tiempo. Volvi a sacar mi cajita de makillajes y he organizado mi wardrobe... puse todas mis 'joyas' y accesorios en orden y me compre un blower nuevo (super powerful jeje) Me tomo mi hora cada tres dias haciendome el pelo (como lo hacia SOLO si iba a visitarte)
para mi la apariencia es importante pero no tan importante como SENTIRME BIEN.. el truco es que si me veo bien, YO ME SIENTO BIEN.

tambien fui a victoria's secret y me compre un viaje de lociones y perfumitos... estoy trabajando mucho, pero busco la manera de cuidarme, de kerereme y hacerme feliz.


YO HOY me invente un plato.. it KICKED ASS!!!
coji una "tostada mexicana" que basicamente es una tortilla de maiz crujiente, de unos 5" de diametro.
le puse un huevo frito sunny side up arriva, y le puse una cucharada de Salsa (como chips and salsa)
entonces al rededor puse guacamole, sour cream y frijoles fritos... that shit was GOOOOOD!! jajajaja! llame al manager del restaurante donde trabaja luis, un Haitiano que se llama Michelot y me quiere muchisimo, y le conte... ya el me habia pedido mi receta de salsa en el pasado..... me dijo que fuera en la noche para el ver como lo hice y lo va a usar en el menu de los domingos.

blur to jonathan

here I am a single mom, struggling to make ends meet and being increadibly underestimated by everyone around me... and I LOVE IT.
I LOOOOVE my life right now because es un preambulo de las grandes cosas que van a suceder en mi vida en los proximos meses/anios...

I love and enjoy every single minute of my life right now. I receive so much pleasure from teh work that I am doing because i know it is the path that is goign to take me to where I wan to be soon. I KNOW I AM GOING TO MAKE IT. it's been years and years of not knowing what I wan to do with myself. of not knowing what I could do, what I was good at... and now it is CLEAR to me. what I want, what I am good at.
this is a joyous time in my life.

I know I am working hard and I know it does not seem to everyone that the work that I am doing is worth what I am getting in return. but that does not matter. what matters is what I KNOW. what matters is that it makes perfect sense in my head. and what mattes is that God is opening the doors I need, and giving me the obstacles I need, because they make me stronger and they help me overcome and learn for the future. I thank God for every minute, every problem, every breathing moment of my life.

AND IT IS NOT becuase I will profit my client well over a million dollars in just ONE sale in 2009, it is not all aobut teh money. it is about satisfaction that it gives me to know I am taking my capacity to it's full extent. and knowing that my son will be proud of me one day... that just makes my night.